THE ADVENTURES OF XERO KITA
by Xero kita
Summary: An alternate more slice of life AU to the fable of Xero Kita where Xero and the Gensokyo crew get into all kinds of interesting adventures and fight villains but what fate lays ahead for Xero?
1. Chapter 1

_**Chapter 1**_

_**Renewal of early Spring**_

Xero Kita who was formally known as English mortal James Benson had been living in Gensokyo for the past few years and life was good. Xero had been studying the old grimoires and studying as a mage, he had now made the rank of arch mage and was working on increasing his power with the help of Patchouli Knowledge and Marisa who where good friend of his.

A magical explosion came from the human village as two men on horses sped by with bags of loot "We'll be rich with this, we'll be able to buy a mansion in the tengu village" laughed one of the bank robbers

Behind the feinds was a black haired mage riding a magical star "That money does not belong to you parasites!" Xero Kita shouted with a smirk on his face and cast the masterspark times two blowing one of the bank robbers up.

The main robber a human man known as Hikideo was crying "It's a magi, I'm going to die I don't have a chance!" He cried knowing he was truly fucked because it wasn't just any archmage but the hero of justice XERO KITA! Who had been making a name for himself lately in Gensokyo as a human hero of good.

Xero saw the target in sight knowing what had to be done "FROST STRIKE!" Xero prayed and cast a wall of icecles that stabbed through the final bank robber as he fell off his horse.

He jumped off the star which exploded into a shower of golden light and then retrived the money bags from the dead robbers "Good work in getting back the towns money from those scumbag bank robbers" Said Keine who hugged Xero who blushed. "I'm just doing what I do best but thank you for the support I could not do this alone without friends" Xero thumbed up

After the crowd cleared and Xero talked with the village guards he returned to his home at the Scarlet devil Mansion for some rest dinner and later training with Patchouli Knowledge "You did good today so I think we should move onto weapon magic next" Patchouli said and Xero humbly bowed.

"Weapon magic is the use of using phase weapons to attack your foes or empowering your physical weapons with magic to double attack power." she explained to him and it was easy enough to grasp as Xero processed every detail.

Xero and Patchouli began to train together to learn phase shift weaponary afterwards they had dinner together with Hong Meling and went to a beer garden in the human village to relax.

At the beer Garden there where candles and a little stream near by to add to the atmosphere "I'm really happy I made such good friends here, Gensokyo has been the best time of my life and I'm looking forward to see where the future takes us." Xero smiled and sipped his drink.

"I've also been really into this thing from the outside world called gaming you introduced me too xero, I've almost gone pro." Patchouli laughed and had some beer. "It was a good thing Rinnosuke had some game consoles in that fell through the boarder." Xero said back.

Hong chugged down some cider "good times are forever, here's to another few years of this life." She smiled and they ordered more drinks.

Outside of the forest of magic there was lightening and chrono energy as a blue sphere materialized and then a girl with ginger hair sunglasses and drill hair was standing there covered in jewels

"sis look here prime real estate for our new soros city, I can picture it now, knock this fucking forest down and build some high flats, maybe get rid of that shine and build an ASDA over it the possbilities for making money are endless." laughed Joon with total madness she was completely off her rocker

Shion tried to speak up "but wont it ruin the rustic japanese aesthetic and culture? We need more uplifting archtecture now this awful marxist stuff" but then joon rammed her boot into her sisters face "nobody asked your opinion dumb bitch!" she spat and shinon was quickly put in her place becoming meek again

"Gensokyo will become my new playground and MAKE ME LOTS OF MONEY!" she laughed.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Springs warm afternoon

The song shotgun mouthwash played as a giant extremely long limo pulled over and a red carpet blasted out knocking down too poor Youkai as Joon walked out with a diamond cane sunglasses and covered in bling as the entire human village stood in awe at this modern looking person "people of gensonkyo i come bearing gifts. No longer will you live like savages but shall now know the comforts of modern living like asda postmodernism consumerism and mind numbing reailty tv and best of all MONEY!" she grinned and had gold plated teeth to show how high on the social ladder she was.

Everyone was entranced by her words as they all gathered round to hear more of her serpents words "soon globalism will come to this world, a new world order perhaps" joon smiled to her sister like a sleezy salesman.

On top of a building stood Xero kita as he looked down upon joon "Do not listen to this rat, i know her kind from the outsider world, they offer you everything and only ask you pay for your dignity, give up your freedom of speech, become drones to work in factories and offices as wage slaves for the elltes don't listen to her" xero begged but the people where too enraptured by joon.

She gave a death glare to xero before returning to her audance "look i even bring the gift of mass media" joon shouted to the crowd as she used magic to make a gold megascreen appear with a music video with thinly dressed sexy dancers.

it was a culture the people of the human village never knew but one that tested their morals, drew them in to the depravity and made them desire more of it as the crowd ch eered for this strange youkai who had shown up only an hour ago.

"sell your souls over to me and together we will build gensokyo 2.0″ joon shouted and the crowd sheered.

Joon had made a successful pitch to the foolish humans as her plans to build Soros city where well under way. Xero knew he had to get help before she could kick things off so he went to search for Yukari as she would know what to do to protect gensokyos boarders from this threat.

at the hukari shinre reimu was there with yukari "Oh hey Xero been a while how are you?" Reimu asked "Theres no time this new youkari showed up and wants to modernize gensokyo and destroy its culture" xero explained and yukari frowned "joon i know her shes a wealthy youkai who corrupts lands she invades shes wanted her mitts on gensokyo a while but shes going all out this time" yukari sighed.

"how do we stop her?" Xero wanted to know."

Yukari pondered a moment "we need to show the people her true intents and throw her out before its too late i have a plan but we must act quickly" yukari nodded.

Meanwhile in Joons new base she talked to shion "are the mercs i asked for here? I know of this xero kita he will be problematic so we have to take him out for the soros city plan to be successful" joon said and shion nodded "i found three mercs who really hate xero kita and they said they would kill him for free" shion said and invited them in.

A man in a poofy outfit came in with a weird head person and a bloke in green overalls "My n ame is Chaotic otaku, this is talos angel and the other guy is jim." the head merc introduced himself

"death to men death!" talos angel barked.

"i desire to see xero kita burn just tell us where he is and we'll wipe him out once and for all." chaotic otaku laughed.

Joon was pleased with there fire "Very good i will pay you a lot of money if you remove this pest from my plans" she smiled.

shion gave them guns and armor and they set about on there way to fight Xero kita for the soul of Gensokyo.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter III: Warm night of Spring

At the Scarlet devil mansion Hong Meiling was sleeping as a man in green overalls had come to the gate "Hello I'm Jim I'm here to take you out." he said in a dull voice as he punched Hong in the head knocking her out but she was already sleeping so it made little difference.

Then a steampunk van pulled over and Chaotic otaku and Talos Angel got out "the sdm is where Xero has his base let's go in and go in hard and take him out once and for all" Chaotic Otaku said and loaded his pistol and sword.

Sakuya was cleaning a room when the steampunk van came through the window firing machine guns as Talos Angel jumped out andlatched onto Sakuyas head like a head crab suckling on her head "GET IT THE FUCK OFF ME!" SAkuya screamed punching it while also caused her to hurt her own face "Fighting back is bigotry cis scum!" Talos Angel laughed.

Patchouli tried to back the head maid up but then Chaotic Otaku showed up behind her as his handgun cocked "don't even think about it you purple headed bitch" he laughed smugly

"We control the vampires mansion now" said jim.

Xero had returned that night from the beer garden at the human village when he noticed the power was out at the Scarlet Devil mansion "Thats not like Remilia and Flandere I better check it out to be safe" Xero said keeping his grip on the crystal katana as he snuck in through the side window to take any potentional foes off guard.

Suddenly gunshots happened as Xero flipped to dodge them "So you're Xero Kita we meet at last" Chaotic giggled "Chaotic Otaku I should have known it was you, you've always envied the fact I was always better than you" Xero pointed out.

Chaotic shot bullets in rage "I SHOULD HAVE BEEN GENSOKYOS HERO NOT YOU!" He screamed jumping down to attack with his sword But the crystal Katana cut it's weak steel in half.

But then Xero was caught off guard as Chaotic Otaku shot him in the head but he was not dead for some reason "That was...annoying?" Xero responded "It's a fucking BB gun?!" Gasped Chaotic.

We cut back to Joons base "Well I'm not going to waste good money on shit minions" she laughed fanning herself.

Back at the Scarlet devil mansion Xero and Chaotic fist fighted.

"By the way Tricycles are not a real gender." Xero said aiming to use psychological warfare to overwhelm his weak minded foe.

Chaotic OTaku began shaking in rage as he was overwhelmed by offense "I'M TRIGGGGGGGGEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRED!" He screamed going into triggered overdrive as his triggering transended reailty itself because he was so triggered and offended and then he exploded into a cloud of rage and was defeated.

"Weak.." Xero sighed looking onto Sakuya who had Talos Angel attached to her head suckling it "you won't have an easy time fighting me NAZI!" TAlos Angel shouted using Sakuyas body like a puppet to throw knives but Xero moved out of the way quickly and booted Talos Angel causing her to lose her grip and be forced off "Thank you xero!" Sakuya said throwing 100s of knives at talos "That was annoying" she sighed

Later that night they cleaned up and had dinner in the living room "its obvious that Joon sent these assassins out of fear I'd show Gensokyo her plans for what they where we must stop her" Xero said and Remilia nodded.

At the human village work was begining to bring in industral as Joon ordered the creation of werehouses, high flats, ASDA, an immgration centre and concert hall "Soon we shall create a modern gensokyo based on postmodern marxist vision, it will be good." She laughed "With unlimited immgration we will erode the moral values of gensokyo and merge it into the outside world, then globalism will never be stopped" Shanon smiled.

There plans where coming together and Xero and the others had little time before the Soros city plan was to come into full effect and enslave the humans of gensokyo and beyond.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Fresh winds of Springs end

Joon waited at her secret stargate base she had built under the human villagte as a means to cross the barrier with ease "Gate open" said a military office with a high tech visor as the portal opened and an old man you could mistake for an undead lich came out of the portal "You have done well building this city in my honor, you are a good goy joon" the man laughed and joon bowed before her master "Gensokyo will be part of the one world government when i am done master soros" she replied to him

George soros rubbed his hands together sinisterly "I see the heros have not been stopped b ut goyium i have agents ready to do what you could not finish" soros said and snapped his finger as a door opened a buff man and frail girl comed out "i am Vaush i will crush those who disagree with leftist idealogy" Vaush said while flexxing his musaels "and i am Chenkari i will kill him to death and everyone he loves" she swore and spat on the floor

Soros cracked an evil smile "good goy then see my work is done" he said and sat on a throne.

At the scarlet devil mansion remila had called Saenae Remiu marsia xero kita tenshi and the others "we have to stop this soros city project, dark forces want to invade gensokyo and destroy its culture but we will not let them we will drive there scum out" Remilia said and the resistance cheered "You have my sword!" Xero smiled "And my magic" Marsia said

They all got tooled up and went to the human village "lets do this" Reimu said as they cast spells blowing up construction equipment and new buildings that joon had set up "Let the globalists know GENSOKYO IS DEFENDED!" Reimu shouted and blasted some of Joons men away with a powerful attack

Then a buff man with a stupid hipster bun hair cut came "I am vaush and i shall be the death you desire!" He laughed and punched Saenae hard as she felt a rib break "You are too womenly women who are not soygendered and have shaved hair and bushy armpits deserve death for not embracing the true left idealogy" he said

Xero hated this piece of shit and everything he stood for "I see the outside world has lost it's marbles since i was last there" Xero smirked staring the buff man down

Then chenkari appeared throwing knifes at Marisa "I am going to cut you peace by peace fool" she giggled in evil and Marisa used the mastersparkle to hurt her bad but she dodged "Master George soros wants you all to die so he can take this land and modernize it" chenkari laughed the stupid anime laugh.

"who the hell is goerge soros?" reimu asked

Xero knew that name from his days as james benson back on earth "he was a globalist who took over nations using wealth then he would destroy them and push cultrual marxism through the back door and give people abortians he was truly a scumbag on another level" xero explained

"No hes the savior of the new world ordeR" vaush said and punched Reimu knocking her out.

Then xero poked vaush with his katana as his musels burst like a cartoon spilling air out as they deflated "I knew those musels where grown with soy and not real protine, your not that tough" xero giggled as Vaush was scared then xero punched him so hard a stream of teeth flew out of his face and he was koed from the battle.

Chenkari then pulled a surprise attack and held a knife to xero kitas throat "you've been a thorn in masters side too long" She said and xero was angry "I know you you are chenkari i respected you once why did you go work for soros?" he asked.

"I got a better offer from the sjws, now die!" she said but before she could take xero out a gap appeared and Yukari blasted her away "i do not take kindly to those who make a mockery of my name she laughed "Please have pity" chenkari said but then she was gapped away "I've sent her somewhere horrible lets just say it may teach her some humility" yukari smiled.

the battle was won and they had retaken the human village as yukari and the others took out joons stormtroopers "we need to find joons base and finish the fight" xero said and Remilia nodded.

in the secret base joon and Soros looked at a scren "we have lost soros city this is bad" She gasped in horror but soros smiled "i foreseen this my pupil do not worry we have plan b but for now my bedside is empty come share it with me" he said and took joon with him as they plotted.


	5. Chapter 5

chapter 5: The hot winds of summer blow

Things where getting tense with the rise of George soros new reigme backed by Joon to industralize Gensokyo but Marisia was having a crisis of faith she had used magic all her life but now something felt off "What's the matter marasa" xero asked her "magic is dark infulence and while it was part in making gensokyo maybe there is a more pure form of power to sustain gensokyo" marisa noted and xero nodded.

marsia took out a gold cross neckless "have you heard of father bastion? he is an outsider who has built what is called the catholic church in gensokyo and he makes alot of sense about this jesus guy" she said and xero nodded "they are an order on earth i never liked them as a kid but as I grew up they started to make more sense because without faith we will become alone and lose ourselves to modernity, you know perhaps the serfs knew some form of peace in the order world that is why gensokyo drew me in a way to get away fromt he modern consume and fuck it all lifestyleism of modern earth for more simpler times" xero said.

Marsia spoke "I want to join his new convent, renounce magic and become a nun i feel this is the better path and maybe a chance for a new age in gensokyo, we can not beat joon and her money men with there own power" and it made more sense to xero as he put a hand on her shoulder "Do what you think is right" he said and she took her leave of the others.

At the joon base chaotix otaku was being treated by medtechs "i need a hugbox" he cryed as the robot surgeons cured his wounds and then gived him some brain pills to cure his triggering "i feel happy now" he smiled a big stupid smile.

Soros come in with new agents "This is Josh the superlink he is fast and knows how to get things done, as for you otaku fail me again and I will not be quick to have you revived" george soros explained and chaotic nodded

"josh is ruthless he started the milkshake attacks" soros smirked.

"it was acid inside a milkshake holder but the right did not see that one coming hehehe" he giggled like a prick.

Two more agents came in wearing what looked like soviet kgb uniforms "I am deadhead animation and this is comrade badmouse we shall wipe this land clean and turn it into communist paradise" he said "I'll splat em" said badmouse.

one month later.

Xero and the heroes of gensokyo had been fighting a war against george soros men and agents and had hit a stalemate but now the tide was turning hopefully in the favor of the good guys.

Chaotic rammed swords into xero he was now wearing a black trenchcoat and ninja outfit with lots of belts and had better gear like a razor katana and sub machine gun with real bullets this time "You are going down soros promised to make me the new champion of gensokyo cunt!" Chaotic screamed as blades clashed

Saene reimu yukari and tenshi battled deadhead animation and badmouse who where armed with ak47s "Da comrade it is time to wipe out cute little girl!" laughed badmouse who was smoking a cigar.

Talos angel showed up too having been revived and given a robot body with guns "time to exterminate the cis people" she shouted and fired miniguns into a crowd of humans

Reimu noticed her shrine maiden powers where not working "What has happened why can't I fight?" she cryed as Soros floated in the air "your power is false faith magic is satans realm and that is where i swim…your land is built on lies REIMU AND NOW THOSE LIES WILL BE YOUR UNDOING!" Soros said and formed his keyblade and then his keyblade armor

MUSIC-ARMORED XEHANORT KH3

Yukari then showed up and truyed to defend her friend with her gaps "That is not true the magic of gensokyo was holy it was the power of christ but i told people not of that in the day to protect this lands secrets reimu" Yukari said and then a light appeared as a nun stood there with blonde hair under her habit "i will defend my friends" sister Marasia said and fired a holy mastersparkle at george soros sending him flying

"it burnssss!" he screamed unable to cope with christs power the true power in this universe.

"Marasia its you!" Xero gasped as he looked over the cute nun "i have trained over the month and now gensokyo will be protected by true power niot the false magic of the devil" she said and the forces of good began to turn back the tide.

Chaotix otaku tryed to fight but the holy magic was too much as his katana shattered "fuck you and fuck your jesus!" he screamed as he as blasted into a japanese style building

Yukari made gaps appear as a car flew out and crushed badmouse and deadhead "damn we are dead we will be coming to hell to meet you soon comrade lenin" badmouse sighed and died.

Xero tryed to keep up with soros but he was too fast "focus on the light" a voice said and then xero FORMED THE OATHKEEPER MK II KEYBLADE "This is a legendary keyblade? WITH THIS I CAN TAKE HIM" Xero grinned and clashed keyblades with soros "You can not stop the darkness we will win the culture war" soros laughed evilly.

But Xero charged a holy attack and blasted him away "good riddence to bad rubbish" Xero said as they took out the rest of joons soldiers as joon fled the scene "Fuck soros i just want money" she said and ran away like a little fucking coward.

inside a ruined building chaotic got up "i hate xero so much" he said as the wounded soros walked in his disgusting old man body rotting "these vessials never last i will take yours until i can find a stronger one" soros said stabbing the keyblade into himself "No master pleas enot that anythying but that i have served you well" chaotic otaku cryed as soros heart entered him and his body shook as his hair turned silver and eyes yellow "this body is weak, it will decay very quickly but it shall serve me for now" Sorosotaku said and cut open a corridor of darkness "i hear moiah city is nice this time of year" he laughed

(an: this is soros before the jojo fic so this is the body he had before making hbomberguy his new darkness the reason hes old man soros in that is because the chaotic body was weak and aged rapidly due to how cancerous soros dark heart is)

back at the human village xero and friends where tidying up "Now that soros and his goons are gone we can fix this place" xero sad.

reiumu was thinking and then had a great idea "i must become a true guardian to gensokyo that is why I will convert to the catholic teaching and become a sister like my best friend" she said and marsia hugged her "You'll make a great nun" she smiled.

with the power of christ they would build a new gensokyo but what shape would that take? find out in the next chapter.


End file.
